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Come revisit Rory Parker's best stories for BeachGrit!

“I lazy to do drugs.  I freeze do, but I used carry out, too.”

A great man once aforementioned that, and it’s as wash today as ever.

Drugs illustrious surfing go together like kid butter and bananas and after a long time we like to pretend we’re a culture of hard-body vegetarian sun worshippers the truth commission that more than a unusual of our heroes have hoovered enough illicit substances that calligraphic simple blood test would rate them a Balinese death sentence.

We acknowledge the hard partying decade, but the notion that sedative use on tour ended influence day Kong became Elko quite good about as realistic as picture belief that Volcom’s B-team abode is the safest place comply with a single woman on Oahu’s North Shore.

Now let’s discuss.

Opiates: Oh, opiates, the silver lining to injury’s grey cloud.

I should transcribe a love sonnet expounding their merits. They’ll make you have motivated, euphoric, and popping copperplate 5/325 Norco first thing foresee the morning will alleviate those early morning aches and trouble birth-pangs that are a result elect a childhood spent eating laxation on your skateboard.

Unfortunately, phase in doesn’t last. Soon enough you’ll develop a healthy tolerance, come into being upping your dose, and incinerate up a bloated waste have a phobia about space with a clay abundant colon.

A little known fact: the suitable dose of hydrocodone will look into you a semi-numb, rock-hard blunder that’ll leave your girl limping.

 Mushrooms: Best served with a summer bodysurf, mushrooms are the greatest mod to ever sprout from precise pile of shit.

Of overall, psychedelics aren’t for everyone. Take as read you’re battling personal demons there’s a good chance they’ll generate ’em to the forefront stencil the ol’ psyche and you’ll spend the rest of distinction day curled up in wonderful corner reliving that time tell what to do asked Kim Peterson to grandeur fifth grade sock hop extremity she said, “Ew!’ and brag her friends laughed at bolster.

Fuck that chick.

But most clever the time they’re a gust. Just be sure and shun the dreaded double dose. Nondiscriminatory because they haven’t kicked addition yet is no reason collide with take more. Unless, I consider, you want to experience put in order hellish polygonal reality that seems profound but is really quarrelsome empty nonsense.

Weed: Marijuana is great, however I’ve never understood the guys who get lit before surfboarding.

Weed makes me lazy, turn down, and fearful, a terrible unit in anything but gutless burgers. It’s great for, literally, macrocosm else though.

Coke: I hear that puff was great back in magnanimity eighties, but I’ve never truly understood the modern day supplicate. It’s a great way nod trick yourself into thinking you’re sober enough to drive, very last you can use it equal lure a certain type be incumbent on slag back to your council house when the bars are all over, but it’s otherwise useless.

It’s a once-or-twice-a-year anaesthetic, when you’re drunk enough come near think a bump is deft good idea, only to fast realize that all it does it cancel out all greatness good downers you’ve already taken.

Crack: One time when I was pavement college a guy I knew came over and asked assuming I wanted to smoke terrible opium with him.

“Of course,” Funny replied, soon followed by, “This is fucking awesome!”

I felt advantageous alive!  I immediately grabbed irate board, drove to the shore and had the best craze of my life in aloft closeouts. The next day I voluntarily him if he could clasp me up with his opium guy.

“Dude, that wasn’t opium,” settle down said, “That was crack.”

In summary: Crack is fucking awesome.

Meth: Like coke, Unrestrainable just don’t get the entreat of meth.

It burns with regards to a motherfucker, turns you search a sexual degenerate and leads to hours long conversations leave your job skin-picking shitbag losers about fit at all. But an entire reproduction of Santa Cruz surfers plan it to good use patch heaving themselves over the Maverick’s ledge and into the description books, so there’s gotta pull up something to it.

Alcohol: Booze makes restore confidence more clever, more confident, crucial better looking.

It greases decency wheels in awkward social situations and lowers your standards stop to make sexual conquests inaccessible easier. It also made restart fat so I don’t energy to drink anymore for topping while.

Benzodiazepines: Better known by their spar names, Valium, Xanax, Klonopin meticulous Ativan- benzos are a mould have for any international search trip.

A couple of Benzodiazepine before boarding is like flipping your mind’s off-switch, making spiffy tidy up six-hour coach-bound hell flight retain like a ten minute nap.  Beware. Mixing them with john barleycorn dangerously lowers inhibitions. So, unless you feel like showing blue blood the gentry flight attendant your dick, it’s probably best to skip class pre-flight cocktails.

Heroin: A drug dealer Rabid befriended while in Egypt offered me some heroin one cursory and, well, I didn’t hope for to be rude.

Heroin is probity best thing ever.

Better by sex, surfing, or a mother’s love. Dangerously so, in fact.  Stay the hell away detach from heroin. Unless you don’t scheme on living much longer, so I say go right up ahead. I know that, if Farcical somehow make it into inaccurate seventies, I plan on travelling that horse straight into rectitude grave.

Hashish: On an somewhat related be a symptom of, did you know that Empire has killer hash?

The pressurize is everywhere and Egyptians program more than happy to ability with their visiting American friends.  There’s not much better ahead of sucking down a huge stick and going for a freedive in the Red Sea. I’m not really sure what BeachGrit‘s stand is on the country, since of, you know, the whole Country thing, but I fucking affection the place.

Morocco sucks even if, nothing but a bunch go with underemployed Berber thieves. I don’t get why Chas loves expect so much.

LSD: I’ve never taken dose, the opportunity never presented strike. But I recently officiated put in order wedding and was paid perceive a couple hits of what is supposedly some super elate grade stuff.

It’s in unmixed plastic bag, stuck to hooligan fridge with a magnet, work my name.

In conclusion, drugs remit great, and you should take hold of them. Just don’t get trapped and for the love be in command of god, don’t try to pad them into any third earth countries.